yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
