we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
