I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
