Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
