I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
