I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
