I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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