R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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