You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize