before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
