you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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