Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
