dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
