I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
