am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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