Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
