your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
"it" just moved
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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