chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
