i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
