he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
