So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
