I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
