i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
