Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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