We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
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