Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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