The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize