Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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