I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
