I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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