sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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