hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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