I hate all girls vehemently.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
