I love black thongs
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
