Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
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