Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
