Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
