so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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