i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Is this like a preordered booty call?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
