:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
God I need to hump something, right now.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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