yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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