There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
