What did we do last night that was yellow?
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize