so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
