We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
