My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
