I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
