I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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