If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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