We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
