I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
