drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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