did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
