it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
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