you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
