i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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