dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
