Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
