I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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