Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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