Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
