Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
