Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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