That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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