i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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