For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize