every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I just had sex on a roof
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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