we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
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