You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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