If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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