**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
